There are rules.

This is not Nam. This is bowling.
There are rules.

—The Big Lebowski, 1998


1. Listen to the Dude’s story.
2: always behave as if there’s a beverage here.
3: drop in to see what condition my condition is in.
4. marmots/ferrets not allowed in the bathtub. NO EXCEPTIONS !
5. Occasional use of the word “f*ck” will tolerated, see this.
6. the preferred term is Asian-American. Please.
7. unchecked aggression will be practiced ONLY by the owner.
8. the Dude’s not in; leave a message after the beep.
9. user ID verification is performed by Ralph’s Shopper’s Club.
10. you need not be employed to use this site.
11. dues are due before the tenth of the month.
12. no throwing coffee cups (styrofoam excepted)
13. sucking around will be permitted (within reason, of course)
14. don’t play the Eagles. Please. Creedence would be better.
15. You can try bush-league psych-out stuff, but it won’t work.
16. Hey, relax man, I’m a brother shamus.
17. remains must be transmitted in a receptacle.
18. Don’t roll outta here naked.
19. Life does not stop and start at your convenience.
20. Stay out of Malibu.
21. It’s down there somewhere; take another look.
22. litigation matters will be handled by Bill Kunstler.
23. Shomer Shabbas when that doesn’t conflict with anything important.
24. It don’t matter to Jesus.
25. I can’t solve your problems, sir, only you can.
26. Keep this place running like a Swiss fucking watch.
27. You don’t go out and make a living dressed like that.
28. If your name is Donny, you should just shut the fuck up.
29. If somebody tells you to mark it zero, do it.
30. No dogs; they eat the furniture.
31. Dabbling in pacificism is permitted.
32. Wedding rings, if any, are worn on the RIGHT hand.
33. You must be housebroken.
34. Put the piece away.
35. I’d love it if you came and gave me notes.
36. Call when you get home and I’ll send a car.
37. You have to buck up.
38. Use a dictionary.
39. Don’t board a show dog.
40. Roll down the window before bogarting the jay.
41. Don’t be fatuous.
42. if you don’t calm down I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
43. No one is gonna cut your dick off.
44. Don’t go into a tournament with a negative attitude.
45. If you will it, it is not a dream.
46. Don’t tell me what you’d tell your ex- if you don’t have an ex-.
47. Don’t fuck with a stranger.
48. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn.
49. Don’t refer to the Dude as “Lebowski.”

The complete Guide to Conduct can be found here.

6 responses to “There are rules.

  1. I am finishing a book called SASQUATCH FOR SALE,detailng the Ketchum DNA mess,the Sierra Kills (exclusive contract with Justin Smeja),inside the BFRO and matt Moneymaker , The Rick Dyer con, and my 20 years searching for proof… see.
    I would appreciate your permission to quote your blogs about Melba Ketchum in my book.
    many thanks,
    Michael Greene

    • Mr. Greene,
      so this would be you?
      “ – See the Thermal Footage of Bigfoot!‎
      Mike Greene’s Squeaky thermal video is now avalible for download in the .WMV format. Each download costs $2.00 US dollars which will be paid to PayPal.”
      “Jun 3, 2010 – A video of a Sasquatch taken with a thermal imager by eminently qualified 20 year Bigfoot researcher Michael Greene was lauded as “The …”

  2. This guy wants to use all of your research in HIS book? WTF kind of deal is that? You did the friggin work, why does he think he needs YOUR research? I would be telling my lawyer to keep a close eye on this guy. He is afterall a Bigfooter selling videos on the intrawebs.

  3. 1. There is no honor among thieves
    2. rats deserting a sinking ship
    3. “If something bad smells in the basement, it will eventually make its way to the attic.”
    ― Anthony Liccione

  4. 1. Lord loves a workin’ man;
    -Navin R. Johnson

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