[crossposted at Daily Kos]
Laura: Uh, oh. That couple is breaking up.
George: They’re breaking up? How do you know?
George: I don’t understand things were going so great. What happened? Something must have happened.
Breaking news from the Guiness Book of World Records:
The Guiness Book of World Records regretfully concludes that the recent pending applications by a Mr. Mark Sanford, for recognition by TGBWR in the category of
“Break-up Sex,” sub-classifications
“most iterations during a four-day weekend,”
“total duration“, and
“longest air travel”
have all been denied, videotape and boarding pass evidence notwithstanding.
TGBWR has a longstanding policy of requiring prior notification and approval of any record-setting attempts, for obvious reasons, and once notice and approval is given in one category, the event category cannot be changed. In this case, on June 12, 2009, Mr. Sanford originally applied for expedited approval in the category of
“Adulterous sex, extra-territorial(intercontinental sub-group) between a married Christian but otherwise anonymous American ruling class official and an Argentine MILF, in the sub-categories of
“most iterations during a ten day period including Father’s Day,” “total duration”
“longest prefatory air travel.”
Provisional approval for the world record attempt was given, conditional on Mr. Sanford providing THBWR with multiple webcam coverage of the activity, and provided that any videos or other records of such an attempt would become the property of THBWR. Mr. Sanford complied with these terms, and engaged in what we at TGBWR assumed was his record-breaking attempt beginning last Thursday.
Our staff was engaged in viewing and scoring the daily videos on Wednesday morning at about 6:10 am, when we received an urgent email from Mr. Sanford, in Atlanta, requesting that we destroy the tapes. After this request by refused by TGBWR, Mr. Sanford requested that we change the category of the record attempt to the category of
“Break-up Sex,” sub-category
“most iterations during a four-day weekend including Father’s Day,”
“total duration“, and
“longest required air travel.”
However, as outlined above, we cannot accept ‘post-hoc’ changes of this type, not to mention the fact that our reviews of the videos showed no evidence that the category “Make-up Sex” was appropriate. [We should note that the performances by Mr. Sanford and a “Maria” would have EASILY set world records in ALL these “Break-up” categories, had the change in classification be acceptable to TGBWR.]
Vice President, Sexual Performance Division
Guiness Book of World Records
I’d like to offer my condolences to Mr. Sanford.
On the other hand, I guess the
Sophia Loren clone can comfort him more than I can.
And by the way, I think your modification of the classic reverse Argentine leglock might qualify for our next edition. Call me.