Before beginning his formal remarks, the president plans to diffuse tensions by giving Speaker Pelosi a “neck squeeze” and by making humorous references to farting and the Iraq Study Group.
In addition to his Super Bowl prognostications, Bush will discuss his latest ideas of how to make America great:
- giving the vote to frozen embryos.
- giving tax breaks to owners of private airplanes, since they decrease the burden on airport screening.
- pardons for Jeffrey Skilling, Duke Cunningham and Jack Abramoff.
- kill everyone in the world who doesn’t like us or we don’t like.
- fund a Rapture celebration
- investigate satanic attacks on farm animals
- baptize all Muslims
- create a new national holiday for white males
- establish a new cabinet level Secretary of News and Thought
- enable families to trade their children for health care
- send a carrier group to San Francisco